Don't Take Candy From Cripples

The bunny visitation is around the corner, as such, fun colored candy is everywhere, available in every shade of inviting pastel.

Our heroine was recently informed that she will not be receiving a formal gift basket ... apparently she is too old for candy. Naturally she was devastated, knowing that the Mysterious Bearded Man with whom our heroine resides will be travelling to the Steel City, where he will undoubtedly devour all the candy bestowed on him by his loving family, including the 1 lb solid chocolate egg that is an admirable annual tradition (flowers on top are edible).

As if having a giant cage on her leg wasn't enough, now she is forced to cope with the epic loss of her 2nd most treasured annual candy binge (ranking after Halloween, before Valentines day). But once more the Amazing-One Legged Girl triumphs in the face of adversity,

heading straight to her local Walgreen's and stocking up on all her favorites to share with her siblings (who will also feel the effects of this tragedy). While there she purposely ignored those malted milk balls that she has secretly hated for years. She will revive what once was a weekly Friday ritual growing up...the sacred candy cup. A weekly dose of a hodgepodge of sweetness.

Take that easter bunny.

As any chef would, our heroine needed to test her candy combo prior to sharing with her siblings.

In her attempt to stealthily open the bag of pastel colored-peanut M&Ms...an explosion occurred, candy went everywhere, forcing her to eat far more M&Ms than initially intended, for safety sake.

Add this to the list of sacrifices our heroine makes for the ones she loves. A small example of her overwhelmingly benevolent nature.

Tomatoes & Cats

Grand news fans: Our heroine is NOT a killer of all things green, no no, in fact, it turns out that she is both a superhero and an earth mother, fostering earth's bounty from the meager alley on the side of her house.

And yes, that non recycled dowel rod was made in Haerbin, China, potentially one of the least environmentally friendly places on the planet. Freakishly enough, the Amazing One-Legged Girl spent 5 days in Haerbin. 72 hours of travel, 5 days of vacation, re-reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince & getting gawked at by Chinese and Russians alike. But this is not a China blog. dear God no.

This is about adventure...adventures that involve snow balls. What are snow balls you ask? they are not snow cones nor shaved ice nor are they of the Italian persuasion. THEY are THE method by which all classy Southerners survive the summer. Stand in line let the sweat roll down your belly & brow and then savor sweet sweet processed goodness.

Ice ground to the consistency of snow (a true good Southerner would not know that), covered in any range & combo of flavors from dill pickle to wedding cake to cherry to tiger's blood. you can get them stuffed (meaning with ice cream in the middle) or with condensed milk on top. God Bless. By far the best manifestations of these heaven-sent creations in the Houston area are found less than a mile from our heroine's hide out.

And should you EVER see a handicapped person in line for snow balls, the only honorable and good American thing to do would be to let them cut to the front of the line...or the terrorists win.

This photo features the Amazing One-Legged Girl's neighbor, Ashley the cat. He (yes "he" in the Gone with the Wind sense of the name) seems to think that her porch is an ideal place to nap, hunt birds, and be all together squirrelly.

So far, no urine has been found.

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At least

The Amazing One-Legged Girl has lately taken to musing on the very ho-hum phrase "well at least I have my health." When wheeling past someone picking up trash on the side of the road or laying concrete in 87% humidity at 1pm in Texas, she has thought, "well my leg is dramatically broken, which sucks, but at least I am not expected to do that."

It recently came to her attention that other people are pulling the exact same number on her. A "flip flop." That kindly janitor might be thinking, "that looks horribly inconvenient, at least I have my health."

oh how the tables are turned.

Does it feel good to be the lowest rung by which people compare their lives? no, not for anyone.

Take THAT pollen

Admittedly it has been a long while since the last reports of our heroine's activities. Notably, she has fallen into some MAJOR classic literature kick, spending hours re-reading Pride & Prejudice (then watching the 5 hour BBC special with Colin Firth, of course) and miring through the whining of Wuthering Heights, ick, and enjoying the fabulous new screen version of Jane Eyre. And of course revisiting the narrative magic of Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney in the wondrous HBO mini-series John Adams.

God Bless America.

Aside from this her crusades have come in the ultra-boring forms of work. She is spending 2 days inside the city limits of Crazytown, dodging the insane requests and heaving through piles of "to dos," + still working 10 hours from home. Aside from that she has begun working with

a fabulous group of folks on a summer project, one they started last summer and worked hard, but enjoyed very much....We are still in the "working hard" part of this year.

She is still rocking PT multiple times a week, doing mini squats, balancing on wobbly boards and even bouncing on a trampoline for a few minutes. Needless to say, there is much more going on these days than before, almost so much that it has begun to feel an inkling like her normal life.

but not driving is debilitating

and her leg is as ugly as ever, exciting ample anxiety about what the future holds. Will she walk like a zombie for the rest of her life?

Will her leg permanently resemble swollen Swiss cheese? Only time will tell. Time that seems to be ticking away all too slowly.

Frankly even SHE is getting sick of saying the same things over and over again. Uttering "my leg hurts" or " I'm stuck" or "Would you mind giving me a ride to _____?" blah blah blah. It's even getting old for her ears. The real saints in this story are the people who calmly listen, help, and comfort her when her superhero shell can't keep the anxiety under control.

Her adventures this past month have also led her closer to God? Well maybe, closer to a gentleman who spends all his time talking about God anyway. A man who at the very least, dons a fabulous hat and fervently attempts to revive the "Shepherd" look with a curly staff.

Fighting the pollen daily and dreading the imminent Gulf Coast summer, she and Walter the wheelchair, enjoy spending Wednesdays roaming around the city in a red convertible, searching for cheap furniture for the new apartment.

Tan pending.

Franklin gets Crafty

The weather is doing that wonderful thing it does sometimes in Texas. It is being perfect. This past weekend our heroine found herself sipping coffee on her porch enjoying The Warmth of Other Suns...and the warmth of the regular old sun, getting far more than her prescribed 15 mins of sunshine.

Then she and Franklin embarked on a journey southward with their dear Canadian friend to Bellaire where there was much crafting to be done, most notably the construction of darling decorative spheres. A delightfully messy process

including string, glue, balloons, and Vaseline. As should be expected the Amazing One-Legged Girl dominated that yarn, but she got covered in glue in the process.

The crafting fun continued, fireside. Knitting away on a no-longer-seasonally appropriate scarf for her relative to the north.

Aside from the crafting and good conversation to be had, naturally there was mass consumption of char-roasted sugar puffs...aka SMORES.

Our heroine has an exceptional skill when it comes to the proper roasting of a mallow, the melting of the chocolate and the distribution of the graham. It was truly an exquisite sight to behold.

The crafting continued the following day, with FINAL completion of that daunting scarf and the fabrication a little felt sleeping bag for her Kindle. Such an exhibition of craftiness has not been witnessed since the legendary six foot papier-mâchéTobasco bottle of 1999.

Tomorrow its back to less pleasant battles, including her first physical therapy session. Exciting as that is, she would rather roast a mallow.

Stay at Home Superhero

It has been mentioned before that working part time is dangerously fabulous. Only going into Crazytown 2 days a week allows for our heroine to soak up the sun from her new orange couch and to keep a safe distance via internet and email during the rest of the week. Aside from daytime TV being as awful as it is reputed to be, the commercials reveal that the Amazing One-Legged Girl is in no way their intended audience. From what she can discern they are directed towards one of three categories of people: Mothers with fresh babies (diapers, Gerber, Pajama Jeans); the elderly (dentures, Rascal Scooters, the risks of reusable catheters, Pajama Jeans); the un- or underemployed (medical billing certificates, ITT Tech, Pajama Jeans).

Of these three groups, her current situation freakishly most resembles that of the elderly (not in teeth or in need of help in going to the bathroom), but in her high fashion wheel chair, her super peppy home care nurse that visits once a week, and her need for trendy lounge wear.

The often aired commercial that causes the Amazing One-Legged Girl to laugh heartily at fate goes like this "It's your life, live it well, Texas Orthopedic Hospital." Sweet sweet irony. Probably one of the reasons so many people are stuck at home with the TV on during the day... go ahead rub it in by advertising frequently during the day. Remind us that your infection ridden hospital is why her leg exploded in the first place and further reason for the introduction to Franklin the Frame.

Another exciting aspect about being a home-bound hero is her new garden. Her passion for delicious food, undoubtedly increases demand for fresh herbs, especially the ever-popular cilantro, basil, and rosemary. The logical conclusion is to attempt to cultivate her own, along with two intrepid tomatoes. It should be noted that last year's attempt at farmer-ism started much much later in the season and resulted shriveled sun-stroked twigs.

She is hoping for more luscious longterm results this year.

New Digs, 3 Stairs & Rolly Chairs

The new house is fabulous. Thanks to the aide of many wonderful friends and her tirelessly helpful mother, the move is complete.

Three stairs thats it. Then the door. nice porch, good street, Cajun restaurant on the corner.

Our heroine has been enjoying a wonderful new view from a new $80 orange couch, that may clash with her fancy red chair, but oh well, the hardwood floors ties everything together... right?

Aside from being on the first floor, this apartment is wonderful because it is a straight shot: living room, kitchen, bed & bath.

The kitchen is so large in fact wheels are required to get around, adding a whole new element to the cooking dance. Wheeled twirls are the newest and best way the Amazing One-Legged Girl gets from the sink to the fridge, no more ridiculous hops and one-legged turns that threaten to topple her so often.

She is finding a nice rhythm in working part-time, dangerously nice. If it weren't for the giant metal cage on her leg, you might say she fell into some some random good fortune.

But alas, her fall led to something else entirely. A prescription for PT three times a week will undoubtedly throw her back on the crazy train once more. She is still learning new things every day. For example, who knew large luggage made such a great ottoman?