Franklin goes to a Wedding

The season has begun. Spring is in the air and love is all around....though our heroine is still feeling very little love for Franklin the Frame and his BFF Walter the Wheelchair.

Regardless the three of them along with the Mysterious Bearded man, ventured out to celebrate the wedded bliss of two friends.

That's not them. No one knows those people

First battle: the stairs! The lovely stairs in this late 19th Century building (see them back there behind the happy couple). Stairs from a time when our heroine would have most assuredly been cast out by all society and forced to become the most ruthless of all peg-legged pirates. Stairs covered in red carpet and divided into two directions in the middle. With the help of some fabulous Ushers the Amazing One-Legged Girl and her entourage made it to the ceremony in, wheels and all.

What did the Amazing One-Legged Girl wear you ask? Well she sported the finest footwear of course!

See that dandy on the right...you are looking a $300 shoe folks, velcro, screws, and all, custom latched on to our heoines foot 4 months ago in the hospital. Yes, she has been wearing that same shoe Since January 27 and with the summer coming on the shoe is becoming particularly disgusting (sticky-stinky-falling-apart-gross). It is not at all the shoe that our heroine would have spent $300 on if it were her choice, but her non-functional right foot won out in the end...and as for shoes Function, not Form prevailed.

After reviewing her photos from that evening our heroine quickly noted that they were all made from the distinct perspective of a wheelchair...or a 7 year old...from way down low. Making all of her friends seem extra-adult-ish.

One of the most magical discoveries of this adventure (bedsides an astonishingly delicious piece of cake) was a semi-precious-plastic pearl in her ultra-precious margarita.

Treasures abound!

(and yes, she has been cleared to consume alcohol by her pain Doctor.)

(and yes, she has a pain Doctor.)

It's 3am in Kentucky

A quick recap of our heroine's Easter adventures in the land of parades, uniforms, and schedules. Her brother returned as scheduled along with 300 other soldiers completing a a year of deployment. The excitement in the room prior to their arrival was certainly palpable, full of young wives spruced up for the homecoming, small children and fresh babies toddling around confused but excitedly holding signs, and other family members adjusting cameras in anticipation.

Everyone eagerly awaited the plane to finally land and for them to share 15 mins with their soldier, before he/she would have to return for debriefing & to begin the "reintegration" process.

And once he was officially allowed to spend the day with with his lovely wife & child, gorgeous sister and doting family...the family initiated a reintegration training of their own..at Denny's

And the mall.

God Bless America.

Franklin Joins the Army

Not really.

Our heroine spent Easter weekend on an adventure of grand proportions on the border of . Kentucky and Tennessee. In rainy & tornado-prone

Ft. Campbell, home of the 101st Airborne. There she experienced the wonders of sharing a hotel room with two malodorous teenagers (not by choice), the majesty of military life, and the pleasure of playing with her gorgeous 10 month old niece.

Most importantly, she and Franklin welcomed home her brother from a year in Afghanistan.

at 3am

Here are some photos to set the mood.

more to come

Other people with Cages on their legs

As isolating as this experience can feel, our heroine is neither the first nor the last person to do battle with a broken limb and an Ilizarov.

Here are some blogs by other folks:

A blog about a real life superhero injured in the line of duty

A kid in Arkansas in 2007 getting his left leg lengthened

Darren G in the UK with a apparatus on his femur in 2009 (he named his frame Metal Mickey, Brits, so odd)

Some lady who @ about 2:00 gets to talking about exercising w/ a Ilizarov

2009 chat room about Ilizarov (cute domain)

http://frankenlegs.wordpress.com/

http://thelegofchris.blogspot.com/2011/01/taylor-spatial-frame.html

Don't Take Candy From Cripples

The bunny visitation is around the corner, as such, fun colored candy is everywhere, available in every shade of inviting pastel.

Our heroine was recently informed that she will not be receiving a formal gift basket ... apparently she is too old for candy. Naturally she was devastated, knowing that the Mysterious Bearded Man with whom our heroine resides will be travelling to the Steel City, where he will undoubtedly devour all the candy bestowed on him by his loving family, including the 1 lb solid chocolate egg that is an admirable annual tradition (flowers on top are edible).

As if having a giant cage on her leg wasn't enough, now she is forced to cope with the epic loss of her 2nd most treasured annual candy binge (ranking after Halloween, before Valentines day). But once more the Amazing-One Legged Girl triumphs in the face of adversity,

heading straight to her local Walgreen's and stocking up on all her favorites to share with her siblings (who will also feel the effects of this tragedy). While there she purposely ignored those malted milk balls that she has secretly hated for years. She will revive what once was a weekly Friday ritual growing up...the sacred candy cup. A weekly dose of a hodgepodge of sweetness.

Take that easter bunny.

As any chef would, our heroine needed to test her candy combo prior to sharing with her siblings.

In her attempt to stealthily open the bag of pastel colored-peanut M&Ms...an explosion occurred, candy went everywhere, forcing her to eat far more M&Ms than initially intended, for safety sake.

Add this to the list of sacrifices our heroine makes for the ones she loves. A small example of her overwhelmingly benevolent nature.

Tomatoes & Cats

Grand news fans: Our heroine is NOT a killer of all things green, no no, in fact, it turns out that she is both a superhero and an earth mother, fostering earth's bounty from the meager alley on the side of her house.

And yes, that non recycled dowel rod was made in Haerbin, China, potentially one of the least environmentally friendly places on the planet. Freakishly enough, the Amazing One-Legged Girl spent 5 days in Haerbin. 72 hours of travel, 5 days of vacation, re-reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince & getting gawked at by Chinese and Russians alike. But this is not a China blog. dear God no.

This is about adventure...adventures that involve snow balls. What are snow balls you ask? they are not snow cones nor shaved ice nor are they of the Italian persuasion. THEY are THE method by which all classy Southerners survive the summer. Stand in line let the sweat roll down your belly & brow and then savor sweet sweet processed goodness.

Ice ground to the consistency of snow (a true good Southerner would not know that), covered in any range & combo of flavors from dill pickle to wedding cake to cherry to tiger's blood. you can get them stuffed (meaning with ice cream in the middle) or with condensed milk on top. God Bless. By far the best manifestations of these heaven-sent creations in the Houston area are found less than a mile from our heroine's hide out.

And should you EVER see a handicapped person in line for snow balls, the only honorable and good American thing to do would be to let them cut to the front of the line...or the terrorists win.

This photo features the Amazing One-Legged Girl's neighbor, Ashley the cat. He (yes "he" in the Gone with the Wind sense of the name) seems to think that her porch is an ideal place to nap, hunt birds, and be all together squirrelly.

So far, no urine has been found.

.

At least

The Amazing One-Legged Girl has lately taken to musing on the very ho-hum phrase "well at least I have my health." When wheeling past someone picking up trash on the side of the road or laying concrete in 87% humidity at 1pm in Texas, she has thought, "well my leg is dramatically broken, which sucks, but at least I am not expected to do that."

It recently came to her attention that other people are pulling the exact same number on her. A "flip flop." That kindly janitor might be thinking, "that looks horribly inconvenient, at least I have my health."

oh how the tables are turned.

Does it feel good to be the lowest rung by which people compare their lives? no, not for anyone.