Introducing Franklin the Taylor Spatial Frame

You may notice a little something different in this photo? No no, pay no mind to the black metal halo. Check out that smooth, smooth knee. That blessed Dr. Screenwriter found it in his heart (probably due to some medical requirement) to shave our heroine's gorilla-like leg while she was unconscious. What class! What service!

With the help of her new friends at Texas Orthopedic Hospital, her mother, and her Mysterious Bearded Companion, the Amazing One-Legged Girl survived yet another hospital encounter with finesse and her dignity partially intact.

She is exploring her home with a whole new spatial awareness, moving around with the elegance of an adolescent transformer, clunk, clunk, clunk, wobble, clunk.

Franklin the Frame opens up a new realm of fashion and advertising. Putting on pants is a new adventure, with the rings measuring roughly 10 inches in diameter, making this spring likely to be a season of stylish skirts with pockets. She has already begun to work on designs for the extreme leg warmers/coverings that will be necessary for ventures out in public, especially to eateries (as nothing can keep the Amazing One-Legged Girl away from good food). Who knows what adaptations may become necessary in the Texas summer months? It may even indeed become a marketable advertising space? Like a semi-mobile billboard? Only time will tell. Welcome home Franklin.

5 Star Hospitalization

"Perfectly"
That's how the 3 1/2 hour surgical battle went, according to Dr. Screenwriter.

Our heroine awoke from a delightful anesthetic nap, totally woozy and newly weighed down by a black and silver columnar cage going around and through her right leg.

Yesterday consisted mostly of the Amazing One-Legged Girl attempting to 1) keep her eyes open 2) complete sentences.

She frequently failed at both, sometimes falling asleep mid-gesture and awaking with a start; a sense of urgency; and addressing someone not present in the room (for example, attempting to clear a piece of food from the face of a friend only to realize that she is sitting next to her mother and combing the air). Hospitals and anesthesia bring on all sorts of spectacles, some real, some imagined. When a tall, bald, Russian named Boris comes to take your blood, stating in a thick accent "I vont the blooood. Vere's the blooood?" One can't help but but envision him floating outside your window, with fangs and a black cape. Thank you anesthesia and Dilaudid.

Her post-operative meal consisted of steak, steamed veggies, and carrot cake, during which she fell asleep mid-chew, not because the food was boring, but because she could not control her eyelids. Steak has been a choice on the menu for every meal since. Thank you Texas.

She now has a device with four black metal rings connected to 18 silver wires that go through her skin and stabilize the bone. And she is recouping in a hospital that has a steady supply of Haagen-Dazs and, thanks to MRSA, has her own room with a dress code (hospital workers must wear gloves and unsightly yellow gowns in order to gain access). All a hospital needs to make a stay luxurious: decent food; sheets and blankets that feel like, well sheets and blankets, not dishtowels; cable TV; and a pain pump for the patient (delivering sweet sweet meds every 8 minutes with the simple push of a button).


Her Mysterious Bearded Companion accompanied her on yet another great adventure, facilitating the pre-surgery dance party, stealing ice cream and laughing at the 6am oddities of the pre-operation area.

While the device on her leg may feel like it weighs 26lbs, it really only measures to about 5lbs. And she felt the full weight of it bright and early this morning during her first Physical Therapy session.

Ladies and gentleman, she defeated all fear, proved herself capable of crutching with steady certainty, still hooked up to all her IVs.

Thereby rejected the godforsaken bedpan for the use of a proper toilet.

Another small victory for the Amazing One-Legged Girl.

The End of the Fluff

Last night our heroine returned to the scene of her radical transformation, Dairy Ashford Roller Rink. She was there to see old friends, who are all now talented skaters and experience the sights, smells, sounds, and icky-stick of derby practice.

While there she showed off her latest accessory, lovingly called The Fluff. So far The Fluff has offered protection from the all the ice, hills, and bitter-cold snow of the north. It has wowed friends in her native land with its clever design and hidden kickstand (barely visible in the photo. It is the line of metal outside the fluffy layer on the calf side of the boot. And yes, that is a very very hairy leg, like Samson-hairy).

Today the Amazing One-Legged Girl, still equip with The Fluff, mastered the art of frying an egg. Which is more complicated then it sounds, even if you consider her one-legged nature. Along with ice and hills, tile, especially wet tile, makes for treacherous terrain. But little can keep the Amazing One-Legged Girl from the buttery goodness of food and she managed to both wield the pan and stay steady on the crutches. The result was heavenly.

Tomorrow morning marks the end of the Fluff and the beginning of the Second Bionic Era. The battle waged tomorrow will determine the next 6-9 months (at least) for our heroine. The First Bionic Era (back in October) included a titanium rod and two screws (affectionately and then not so affectionately called "Rodney") which eventually became grossly infected and defeated by an evil fiend called MRSA. Rodney was removed in Pittsburgh and donated to science for further study where he will live on as a minor celebrity.

The line up for tomorrow's campaign features our heroine, her Mysterious Bearded Companion, and a new player, a good-humored, well-coiffed bone surgeon, who also happens to be a rather accomplished screenwriter. Statistically speaking...he is a better surgeon.

The foe?
They will attempt to tame the badly mangled tib/fib fracture with a Taylor Spatial Frame (or Ilizarov apparatus).

And their triumph begin the Second Bionic Era.

Expect more about Dr. Screenwriter as well as photos and notes from the front lines.

It Begins...

The saga began 114 days ago.

Early on a Saturday morning in October a fateful fall threw our heroine off her roller derby skates and on to the roller rink floor.

With a crash, a snap, and a wail she was transformed from a bi-legged humanoid to the Amazing One-Legged Girl. The fractured right tibia and fibula rocked her world. Since then she has encountered many evil foe, namely: compartment syndrome, an evil smelly vaccum, osteomyelitis, MRSA, Pittsburgh in the winter, horrific hospital food, and 9 silly surgeries.

Day by day, with the help of her Mysterious Bearded Companion, she dominates the world, with style and grace.

All on one leg.